Effective at saying "no"

Saying "no" is very hard. Just two simple letters, yet it's one of the most challenging things to say in the corporate world. We are constantly juggling multiple responsibilities, trying to be the "do it all" individuals who never disappoint. Our reluctance to say no can be traced to our desired sense of belonging (wanting to "be liked"), paired with the fact that up to 82% of people feel "Impostor Syndrome". It's an uphill battle against our own nature, but mastering the art of saying no is pivotal for maintaining focus and achieving our goals.

"People Pleaser" vs. "Hard to work with". I see these as the two extremes (saying "yes" and "no" all the time). Striking the right balance is essential because both extremes carry their own set of risks. As we know from the Effective vs. Efficient matrix, “People Pleasers” may seem Efficient, tirelessly working on various tasks, yet they are usually not Effective. “Hard to work with" are Effective, determined to pursuing the right goals, but Inefficient as they alienate their colleagues and lose their trust. Here are 3 options, based on my research and experience, that you might want to put in practice to find your own balance.

Option 1: Ask "Why" several times. Until you get to the core of what is really needed. People will tend to ask for more than what they need, so it is important to always question the ask. For example:

• “We need you to write a 6-page strategy document by end of week!” - “Why?”

• “Because we need to share our 3-year plan with our Director” - “Why?”

• “Because she will stand in front of Finance and needs to have Revenue forecasts for all programs.” - "OK, so you need a table detailing my program’s 3-year revenue forecast? I already have that, here it is."

In this example, the employee just saved hours of having to write a complete document (at least for now). You cannot imagine how many times I have seen a huge difference between the initial ask and the actual thing that was needed urgently. Question everything, especially when it is a last-minute ask.

Option 2: The Jiu-jitsu move. Usually, 20% of the people will cause 80% of your interruptions, and they are usually more senior employees. One thing I have seen work is asking for these people’s advice on how to deal with "saying no". They will give you advice on how they do it, and agree that no one should be saying "yes" all the time. Then, next time they interrupt you with a last-minute request, you apply their own recommendation when dealing with them.

Option 3: Find your style for saying no, but in a nicer way. Below are 10 ways to say no, brought to you by Betterup.com. Personally, I’ve always used a comedic tone when saying no, which aligns well with my personality. You can try to find what comes more naturally to you.

Like many other of the topics, “saying no” is not a science but an art, so practice it accordingly. If you think you are beyond the point where any of these tips help, ask your manager for support; that’s what they are there for.

Just don't do it,

Jorge Luis Pando