Effective at getting what you want

Unlocking the secret to getting what you want. During my first week at my first job after college, I attended my company's quarterly review. Results were shared, three people won an award. Next quarter same thing happened, although I noticed that one person won again. I was intrigued, so I invited this guy out for coffee, and asked for his secret. His approach was simple yet remarkably effective: (1) Share your goal (getting an award) with as many influential people as you can, (2) Ask for their advice on how to best achieve this goal. Notice, that it isn’t about directly asking for it ("I want an award"), but for feedback on how to achieve it; and (3) Flawlessly execute the advice received.

By following this approach, you get included in key projects, and stay top-of-mind for others. In other words, people will think about you when something comes up that might get you closer to your goal. Side note: Yes, I followed this advice, and it has worked for me ever since. To get awards at work, to get promoted, to get into my MBA's Dean's List, to get my basketball coach to give me more play time.

This approach reminded me of two other places where I have seen something similar be recommended. First, I thought of Jennifer Cohen's TED Talk. She suggests that "boldness is a stronger indicator of success than intelligence". Being bold is about training your brain to be comfortable with rejection, and stop defaulting to what is conveniently given to us. She proposes ways how to best ask what you need, even if you fail 90% of the time. Second, I thought of Rami Sethi's "I will teach you to be rich" and his tips on how to negotiate for a big raise.  He states that to negotiate a big raise, you shouldn't ask for it directly, but you should first ask what would be the most impactful to be a top performer. When you achieve that goal, then go negotiate a fair compensation.

It can be challenging for people to ask for what they want, and various statistics demonstrate this reluctance. At work, studies show that 66% of employees who stated they should earn more, never asked for a raise, and that only 32% of employees negotiated their initial job offer. Even in personal life, in the US, 45% of individuals with a clinical-level mental problem do not seek professional help, and only 4% of dissatisfied customers actually voice their complaints to the company.

My recommendation: Share your goal and ask for advice

1. Determine your goal (Ex1: Get promoted, Ex2: Get a 4.0 GPA)

2. Share your goal with influential people: They will most likely be excited that someone is showing interest (Ex1: Those part of your promo panel, Ex2: Your teachers and TAs)

3. Ask for their advice: You will not be asking for it directly (Ex1: "I deserve a promo", Ex2: "I want an A"), you will be asking for their tips on how to best get it.

4. Turn the advice into an actionable plan: Then, share this plan with your goal’s decision makers (Ex1: Your manager, Ex2: Your teacher), and validate that if you execute your plan, you have a high likelihood of achieving your goal.

5. Execute towards your plan.

Bonus - If you actually HATE asking for things: Focus on getting comfortable with rejection. Go to the park and ask a stranger for a dollar bill (then give it back). Volunteer to ask people to sign a petition outside a supermarket.

"The squeaky wheel gets the grease",

Jorge Luis Pando

"Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength" - President Obama